


Broken wings

by dinkelbeerrgg



Category: Hunger Games Series - All Media Types, The Hunger Games (Movies)
Genre: After movies, Angst, F/M, Fluff, Helping each other heal, Hunger Games, Mental Health Issues, Nightmares
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-15
Updated: 2020-06-15
Packaged: 2021-03-04 08:00:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24730105
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dinkelbeerrgg/pseuds/dinkelbeerrgg
Summary: I want more in the ending than what we got so here I am.
Relationships: Haymitch Abernathy/Effie Trinket, Katniss Everdeen/Peeta Mellark
Kudos: 38





	Broken wings

Katniss will never forget the day she saw Peeta planting those flowers along the path that connected their houses. She had been living for weeks with only Haymitch for company. They had fallen into a routine that had taken a lot of pulling teeth for both of them to develop. Katniss hunted for game and brought fresh herbs and vegetables from the forest and clean water from the lake, while Haymitch tried to fix the things that had been broken on their houses. He had tried to fall off the wagon more than once. He had taken it upon himself to start to sort through the rubble that used to make up the majority of their district. He found a few things that were still useable; rope, dried herbs, flour, and, much to Katniss' displeasure, cases of the good liquor the peacekeepers used to hoard in their apartments. He was good at first, brought everything to one of the empty houses that made up the victor's street so they could more easily count everything they found. It wasn't until she had been up late one night, sitting on the stairs that led to the victor's homes when she heard him yell. it broke the silence like a gunshot and was followed closely by glass breaking. Katniss panicked and ran into Haymitch's house taking the stairs two at a time, her voice breaking as she yelled his name. She swung every door open until she finally burst through the right one, only to find him covered in sweat sprawled on the floor sucking on a bottle of the brown liquor like a baby to a bottle of milk. Katniss just stood there and looked him in the eye when he finally set the bottle down. She helped him up and they stood in silence for a moment, the smell of the alcohol and sweat filling them both with shame. But instead of letting that stew, she picked up the bottle and sat on his dresser, the drawers rattling and she heard what sounded like glass clinking together and knew he had hidden more bottles. She took a swig and screwed her face up at the taste before looking at him again. He had gone to sit on the bed, knees brought up as he hung his head refusing to look at her. So she talked.  
"Last night, I had been thinking about Prim, the stupid cat had been crying and wouldn't stop until I let it sit with me. I fell asleep on the couch again." She had to stop as tears pricked her eyes, she took another, longer drink.  
"That was my bottle, ya know," Haymitch said, shaking his hair out from his eyes.  
"Count this as a bad neighbor tax," she took another drink, her head already starting to feel light and her chest warm. Haymitch got up from the bed and went to take the bottle, she let him and was relieved when he stayed, leaning against the dresser she sat on while he drank.  
"It started back in thirteen, I was running up all those stairs looking for her. No matter how loud I yelled her name, she didn't reply. Then my screaming turned into the Jabber Jays and there I was again, searching for Prim while her voice yelled my name. Everything went white and I was back in the capital, at the mansion, on that day. Looking at her in her uniform, being the hero, and I watched her die again." Her voice broke on the last word as tears tracked down her face and she took the bottle back for another swig. It took a moment of heavy silence before he looked at her, and, understanding that it was his turn, started on his own nightmares. They stayed up for a few hours after that Katniss getting actually drunk for the first time in her life and Haymitch laughed at her, nightmares temporarily forget. He walked her back to her house and set her on the couch where she was asleep in minutes. He set a glass of water next to her before walking back to his house and sleeping most of the day.

The first few times she had gone out hunting, alone despite the looks Haymitch had given her, she had broken down when she faced the forest. Sometimes it was because the trees took her back into the arena, paranoia making her bones ache and her pulse quicken, she jumped at every sound expecting Kano or the girl from two that had come so close to killing her. Sometimes it was the memories of Gale that were present in almost every step she took through the fields and trees. Thoughts of Gale made her so angry she would shake or so sad her knees would give out from under her and she would have to stop and weep until she felt empty. Still, every day she brought back something, and every day it got a little easier to deal with the overwhelming heartache.  
It had been one of those days, memories of Gale replaying in her mind, all spoiled now with the pain that he had brought her. She couldn't blame him, not completely, for what happened to Primm, but she couldn't forgive him either. She was dwelling on things he had said to her, reliving moments that could have gone differently, when she saw him. She wasn't sure it was him at first, not wanting to get her hopes up only to have it not be him. 

But then she'd said his name and he turned around and seeing him was like the sun emerging from behind dense clouds. She was feeling lighter than she had in weeks, not even knowing she had been carrying so much. And, as he told her about the Primm-rose he was planting in honor of her sister and her loss, she couldn't help but smile. She smiled and held onto him for way too long, relishing in the first actually happiness she'd felt in a lifetime. She had no idea how much she just needed someone to acknowledge her sister with nothing but love behind the words. Her mother still hadn't talked about it and Katniss guessed that was the best she could do in order to avoid shutting down the same way she had before. Haymitch let her talk and she would be forever grateful for that but he would never say something in sympathy. After all, he was forced into never acknowledging the horrible things that went on in the capital over the years since his victory and she didn't expect him to suddenly remember the gentle act. When Gale had sobbed out a singular apology, Katniss wasn't even sure how many things he had to be sorry for at that point. Peeta knew Primm and felt her loss, too. His few simple words further lifted the burden she'd been carrying since her sister's death and looking at the flowers he still held in his hand she realized she's less alone than she thought. 

She barely let Peeta out of her sight after that. She was having a hard time convincing her mind that he was real, and it just felt better to be together. She sat outside with him while he finished planting and invited him to dinner with Haymitch. He was startled to learn they'd actually been cooking but was not surprised when dinner was served and found it an edible mess. Katniss was great at survival at this point but that just meant burnt meat and boiled vegetables. The herbs Haymitch had tried to use just clung to the food and stabbed their gums. Peeta laughed and resigned to making dinner the next night and possibly every night after that. Things were still kind of awkward, no one wanting to broach a sensitive topic but also not knowing which topics were sensitive. Haymitch left just after dark and when Peeta tried to leave Katniss was almost frantic to think of something that would get him talking so he would stay later.  
"Is your house okay? The pipes are all down so there's no running water. I keep meaning to write to someone, Effie maybe, she could always find the right person to talk to, see if they could get some people out here to help clean up. But. I think they have their hands full." Katniss felt like she was babbling but relaxed a bit when Peeta held her eye.  
"My house is fine, still standing at least. I'm going to have a lot of cleaning to do. It seems like everything glass broke during the bombing," Peeta trailed off. He moved to sit on the edge of his chair and angle himself toward her. She looked down, not being able to maintain the closeness she wanted. "You know, you just have to ask for help. Anyone who knows you would come themselves with a shovel if nothing else." She could feel him looking at her but it took her a moment to meet his gaze. She gave a weak smile, trying to understand the odd mix of gratitude and fear she felt at his words. Could she really ask more of these people? How much is too much to ask? They had just gone through so much and it wasn't even over yet? How could she expect any help from people who just went through hell that she lead them through? It was too much. She looked down again, trying to keep her breathing under control and push the thoughts away. She felt him give up just a bit and he stood, getting ready to leave. She grabbed his hand, not knowing why just needing to keep him here as long as possible. He looked down at her, that same open look he'd give her so many times.  
"I'll see you tomorrow?" She felt like a coward, that wasn't what she wanted to ask.  
"Of course," he gave a small smile and squeezed her hand before leaving.  
Katniss laid on the couch feeling unsatisfied and thinking about tomorrow. She had a moment of realization that what she was thinking about nothing to do with death or corruption. Hope filled her chest and she fell asleep thinking about the days to come.  
She still woke up screaming. 

She went out early the next morning, wanting to gather something for breakfast more than just the eggs she and Haymitch had been having every morning. She shot two quail and found a large number of berries, figuring they could collectively figure out something to make. She was surprised when she returned just after sunrise to the smell of bread coming from a broken window of Peeta's house. She gave a small knock before letting herself in. Peeta looked up at her from the kitchen, flour covering his shirt and his hair sticking up on one side. The sight made her smile and she joined him in the kitchen watching as he kneaded dough. She set the birds, her bag, and her bow down on the table before bringing one of the chairs to the other side of the island he worked at.  
"Good morning," he said smiling at her," I was going to surprise you. I brought most of the kitchen from the mansion with me." His smile faded, apprehensive about bringing up anything from The Capital.  
"I was going to surprise you," she said, keeping her tone determinedly light. "Although, after my cooking last night, maybe I should leave this kind of thing to you." He chuckled and she smiled, openly staring at his face while he worked.  
"I could teach you some of this. If you wanted." He looked up and their eyes met. Eye contact with him felt like looking into the sun, hard to maintain but you were undoubtedly looking at something amazing.  
"Yeah. Yeah, I'd like that, " she finally took her quiver off her back, the gesture making her feel much more at ease than she'd have thought possible. They spent the next few hours baking. Katniss messing up more than once and Peeta being impressively patient. They used the berries she had brought to make muffins. She had never had something like that before, bread alone used to be too expensive for her to afford before and food in The Capital was good in a very bittersweet kind of way. She could admit she missed the pork stew but the muffins they made became her new favorite food. They were laughing and covered in flour when Haymitch walked in without knocking. He tried to give a very grouchy good morning, making comments about how adorably domestic the scene was, but his smile was real. Peeta threw a cup of flour on the older man when he complained about feeling left out. Haymitch gave him a murderous look while he took a very aggressive bite from one of the loaves Katniss had added too much salt to. They both laughed hard when he immediately spat it out and chucked the dense loaf at Katniss. He seemed appeased when they gave him a muffin and Peeta put water on to boil for tea. 

They stopped baking for the day, having made much more than what Peeta had planned. Not that that was a bad thing. It was only his second day here and everything seemed brighter. They cooked the quail and spent the rest of the day walking to the lake to get fresh water and ended up sitting around for a while. Haymitch looked like he couldn't remember how to just be outside and it took him a while to finally sit down and been longer to put his feet in the water and relax. Katniss couldn't blame him. Most of the time she had spent outside in recent years she had been hunted, constantly on the lookout for the next threat. She still felt it too, and, just for a moment while she was sitting under a tree listening to the water, she was back on the beach. Bodies of the now-dead victors floating in the water and a loud ticking making her ears hurt. She squeezed her eyes shut and put her hands over her ears, willing the visions to pass. She was forced back to reality when she felt a hand on her shoulder. She spun around, reaching next to her for a knife that wasn't there, only to see Peeta. His soft eyes filled with worry. He didn't say anything just looked at her for a moment while she let her breathing return to normal before handing her a loaf of bread. She recognized its deformed shape as one of the ones she had screwed up and frowned.  
"Please don't make me eat this," she said as a weak attempt at lighting the mood. He chuckled, the soft sound easing her heart rate.  
"No, c'mon." He walked over to the water and threw a small chunk of his own misshapen loaf into it. Katniss got up and followed him, moving to stand next to him, to see a small family of ducks eagerly eating her bread. "I don't think they mind your baking," Peeta said quietly and she smiled as she broke her own loaf into small pieces and throwing them into the water. They quacked in appreciation and Katniss forced herself to enjoy this moment. Not needing to think about the best way to trap and kill these creatures, they would have to go hunting later but none of the old restrictions applied anymore and as for now, they had the forest and the lake for just the three of them to survive off of. She forced herself to realize the peace in this moment, the ducks eating happily, and Peeta by her side because he wanted to be. She held her breath and reached out for his hand. She knew things were so messed up between them and wasn't sure how even this small thing would be received. He intertwined their fingers and they looked at each other. So many things going unspoken between them but they were both happy to just share this for right now.  
They walked back the victor's street, each of them carrying two buckets of water. They were more tired than they anticipated from the outing and Haymitch decided to go home, forgoing dinner for a large piece of deer jerky and a slice of bread. Katniss followed Peeta back to his house for a small dinner of their own and was surprised when he pulled out one of the bottles of alcohol from his pack.  
"Do I need to be worried your following in Haymitch's footsteps?" Katniss asked, spreading jam over a slice of bread.  
"I took this out of his pack, I thought he was better," Peeta said quietly.  
"He has been but I think being back here is hard on him. He's still getting nightmares," Katniss trailed off, not wanting to face the fact that they will both be dealing with the same thing for the rest of their lives. "I actually think Effie was a good influence on him." Peeta gave her a knowing look and went to fix his own slice. They stood in the kitchen for a while in comfortable silence. Peeta suddenly went to the couch, back to Katniss, but his shoulders looked tense. She walked over slowly and sat next to him, keeping a few inches of space between them while she waited for him to say what was on his mind.  
"My family died in the bombing, real or not real?" He wasn't looking at her but his voice was steady.  
"Real," she whispered. He sat back seeming to return to himself. His eyes were bright with unshed tears and Katniss felt powerless. She took his hand and looked for a long while at his finger. His hands created things and she felt privileged to hold them. She wished she could say something like that out loud. But she couldn't. So she settled on looking up and whipping one of his tears away before resting her head on his shoulder, keeping a tight hold on his hand. They stayed like that for the rest of the night, Peeta stretching his legs out on the table and Katniss' head falling to his chest. He kept a tight hold on her and his warmth was all she needed to fade off to sleep.  
It was Peeta who had woken up screaming. He bolted upright yelling loudly, pushing Katniss to the floor and looking around in a panic. She scrambled to her knees and took his face in her hands " Hey, hey," she was going for calming but her still sleep infused voice came out cracked and rough. "Peeta," she breathed, "you're okay, you're safe." His eye focused and latched onto hers like an anchor to a boat adrift at sea. They stared at each other for a moment while his breathing eased and he realized she was now on the floor.  
"Sorry Katniss, I should have walked you home," he said, obviously angry with himself as he helped her back onto the couch. "You should be asleep in your bed not on my floor because I pushed you there." Peeta sounded so sad that it actually hurt her heart.  
"Don't talk like that, I chose to be here. If I wanted to go then I would have." She paused and took his hand when he wouldn't look at her. "This is what we do for each other, those memories might be foggy for you but this, sleeping like this, is the only way I survived the quarter quell. We help each other stay grounded when the nightmares try to force us back." He was looking at their intertwined hands, throat bobbing as he swallowed. "And besides," she said quietly, "I haven't slept in a bed since thirteen. Since the one I shared with Prim." She looked down, not sure she should have revealed that piece of her broken self. He brought her hand to his face and kissed her palm. She let him guide her, let him hold her hand to his lips, and enjoyed the warmth of his lightly stubbled cheek. He pulled her down with him to lay fully on the couch.  
"Then we stay here," he said into her hair. She wrapped an arm around his waist and listened to his steady heartbeat as he fell back asleep. 

The next few days went much the same. Peeta started joining Katniss on her morning hunts. She gave him a hard time at first remembering the last time he had picked the berries while she hunted for game. Though there was far less variety of poisonous plants outside the arena and she knew Peeta had read her father's hand made journal of all the plants of the district, she still felt the need to check what he picked the first few times. He laughed every time, even when she knew she was being annoying, he would chuckle and thank her for worrying about him. Haymitch spent his time writing letters to everyone he thought might want one and learning how to be productive again. Katniss taught him how to make cheese from goats milk and he and Peeta started clearing space to plant crops. He says he managed to stay sober since his last slip and Katniss believed him this time. A day before someone was set to come and pick up Haymitch's letters, Peeta asked him for some paper so he might send one, too. Katniss was surprised when he said he was sending it to Joanna but decided to add her own few lines before he could seal the envelope. She decided to keep writing after that, staying up most of the night writing mostly nothing but wanting her allies, her friends to know she was thinking of them. Peeta helped fill in the rest of the empty space on the page. He ended up putting her thoughts down better than she did, something that might have bugged her just a little while ago. Now she was grateful for him being able to do what she couldn't. They laughed when they realized Effie was getting five letters even though they had only been gone for a few weeks. Four of those from the new Mr. Dry himself; apparently he has a lot to say now that he can think straight.  
They were out one morning, gathering seeds for the newly cleared and towed soil near their houses, when Katniss finally voiced an idea she'd had been holding onto for a few days. They had been sleeping together again every night, usually on one of their couches and one time in the clearing near the woods, which had ended terribly with both of them jumping at every small noise and neither of them being able to sleep. They had been stuck at this level of closeness, of intimacy, but neither of them taking the next step. They help each other every night and Peeta would give her soft kisses everywhere from her forehead to palms, but never on her lips. She knew she had to do it, that he was only going to take what she gave him, but she kept waiting for this impossible right moment. Now that they weren't constantly in fear for their lives, it felt like they had time and time let her think and then overthink. She found herself dwelling on things she had never even given a second thought to before because she simply had to time. She didn't want what Gale said to be true, at least not anymore. She didn't want to kiss him just because he was in pain. She wanted him to know that she kissed him because she wanted to. But considering she was about as good at communicating her feeling as a dog was at knitting, she didn't know when to do that.  
That morning the sky was a gradient of yellow to orange and the birds seemed more active, singing loudly to each other. Katniss walked up to where he sat sorting what they had found into small piles. She sat down next to him and offered him the cantine of water. He took it with a smile, pausing in his work to drink deeply.  
"So I've been thinking," Peeta started. He looked at her with that open face again and she forced herself to hold his eye while he spoke. "Move in with me." He said abruptly like he was worried he would lose his nerve. "I mean if you want to," he fumbled, dropping eye contact to fiddle with some seeds still in his hand. Her heart was pounding, why did she feel so vulnerable? She had been through so much, they both had. That small fact helped keep her from losing control of herself.  
She cupped his cheek and brought his eyes back up to hers before saying, "Yes. Of course, yes." He let out the breath and she was comforted by the apparent fact that this wasn't easy for him either. They stared at each other for a moment, a smile lighting both of their faces, the sun rising behind him giving him a golden glow. Without thinking, hand still on his cheek. she leaned forward and kissed him softly. He was startled for a moment before kissing her back, just as softly. He brought his hands up to hold her face gently like she was made of glass. She moved her hands to grip his shirt in an effort to pull him closer. They shared that long, soft kiss before Peeta pulled away to look her in the eye.  
"If I move in with you, we should have separate rooms," he said without much conviction. "At least for a little while," he added when he saw her smile fall. She nodded because words were failing her though later she would bring it up again, asking if he was serious about it. 

That night after Peeta helped move some of her favorite things over to his house and sharing a dinner that Haymitch was very proud of himself for not burning, they ended up spending about ten minutes saying goodnight to each other. They stood in the small bit of hallway that separated their rooms, cycling between talking and kissing before Katniss finally turned and walked to her room. If he wanted separate rooms than that's what he'll get. She was determined to force him to have at least one night by himself after weeks of sleeping with her before she realized how petty that thought was. She wouldn't have minded that but it only amplified the feeling wrongness that came whenever they were apart. Wasn't she the one who said that this is what they do? Protect each other when they are at their most vulnerable. With a sign, she got back up out of bed and took up her lantern. She felt a bit self-conscious taking the three steps to his room but she couldn't stop now. She set the light down on his bedside table and crawled in next to him like she had been doing it her whole life. He rolled over without a word and opened his arms for her, letting her settle down onto his chest. His eyes were distant and she waited for him.  
"You love me, real or not real?"  
"Real."  
And it was in that moment that she realized how true those words were. She had been so broken, so cut off from her own feelings, even before the games, that she had no idea what to call the things she had been feeling let alone what to do about it. Add in a large dose of terror that came with being The Capitals girl and President Snow's puppet, she had been doing whatever she needed to to make sure that not only she survived but her sister too. When they announced the quarter quell and she went to Haymitch to make that deal for Peeta's life, she realized she loved him. But Finnick had been right when he said she didn't know in what way. She had only ever loved her sister, only ever let herself love her sister up to that point. She had no idea in what way she loved the people around her, especially Peeta, she just knew she did. Because she had still been a piece in Snow's game, she didn't have to figure it out. She just had to make Snow happy so no one would die because of her.  
Looking back, she still can't say for sure in what way she loved either Gale or Peeta at the time, but that was then. Now they were different people, all of them. Prim was gone and Katniss had time for self-reflection that she had always denied herself. Now she lay in Peeta's arms knowing this is where she wants to be. Now she knew with her whole being that she loved him just like he loved her.


End file.
